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Mistakes
both published and beginning writers make.
The following are but a few errors not only writers, but
public speakers make. Some,
perhaps, are only pet peeves of mine and might be okay to use, if you aren’t
worried about appearing to be unprofessional. (:
I realize many people who view this will be people who do not make these
errors. However, for those who need
the advice, I feel it is necessary.
 | “THAT”
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That word bugs me, no end. As with several items here, I will show an example of what I
and most editors consider good and bad usage of words. First, the way so many
people misuse “that.”
The car
“that” Johnny drove was red.
What good is
“that” in this sentence?
Wouldn’t it read better thusly:
The car Johnny drove was red.
“I meant for you to bring “that” one, not this one.”
Here, the use of the word “that” is correct, because the word
“that” refers to a “specific one” whatever it might be.
“that” car, “that” apple, “that” girl.
Well, you get the idea.
| The next error that runs through so much of the writing I
receive is revealed in the next two sentences.
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| Charlotte said, “I really don’t give a damned
what you do,”
and then
ran from the room.
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| Charlotte said, “I really don’t give a damned
what you do,”
and ran from the room.
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| Notice that
I didn’t use the word combination, “and
then” in the second sentence.
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Charlotte screamed at him, “I don’t give a damned
what you do” then ran from the room, sobbing
loudly. This version eliminates “and”
from the sentence.
“And
then” makes for boring
reading. Every sentence we write should aim at conveying the scene, the
emotion and help to further describe our character.
| Beginning more than one sentence in a row with the same word.
He did this. He did
that. He was… He couldn’t…
I receive manuscripts that have five, six, seven,
consecutive sentences beginning
with the same word.
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| Johnny was dangerous. Johnny
was mean. Johnny loved to hurt
people. Johnny had a twisted
mind. Joey, the cop, knew all
this.
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| How about: Johnny
not only loved to hurt people, his mean, twisted mind made him as dangerous
as any criminal Joey had tracked down in all his years as a cop.
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There are times when starting
more than one sentence with the same word is needed to convey the emotion in
what the speaker is saying: “I don’t care who he is! I
don’t give a damned what he thinks! I know he’s a damned liar!” Here,
we can read the anger the speaker is expressing and it sounds like something a
person would say in real life, and that is the clue to good writing: make your
character real.
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This is another real bummer for me, when I pick something up to
read and it reads like this:
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“Oh,
My God, Charlie,” she said.
“What’s
wrong,” he asked.
“You’re
standing on my foot,” she said.
“Oh,
sorry. Hope I didn’t squish
it,” he said.
Let me tell you, when I read about the first four
sentences that end in “he said” “she said” I read no further!
Wouldn’t it be better written:
Charlie couldn’t quite
decipher the look on her face. Was
it anger? Pain?
“What’s wrong, Charlotte?”
She squinted her eyes and her
lips were drawn back, as she pointed toward the floor and weakly managed, “My
foot. You’re standing
on my
foot.”
Her voice trailed off to a low whimper of pain.
He jumped back, bent down to
kiss her foot and said, “Dammit, if your feet weren’t so big…”
Of course, he never got to finish, as the chair crashed down on his head
and he floated around in circles, surrounded by these huge bare feet,
with bright red toenails.
Yes, my version is humorous, but
I think it makes a point. These are but a
few things bedeviling folks' writing. More
later.
Bill
MacWithey
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